This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
