If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Quick, to the slutcave!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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