i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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