I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
