"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
