1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
