she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
