She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
