She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
