I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
