My room smells like vodka and shame
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
