Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize