I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
