In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
