Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
