no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
