So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
