Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
