Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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