Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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