I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
