I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
