Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
