I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
