I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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