So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
