Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
