the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize