haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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