My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm too high and old for this...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
