True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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