You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
