Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
