I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
