It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
