i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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