i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
