Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
