Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You are a genius and a whore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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