you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
