see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
