you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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