After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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