What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
