My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
