I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
