The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
