eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
