Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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