I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
