the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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