so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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