Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
