I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
