Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
