It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
