you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
