I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
