mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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