Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
