I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish my penis had a tongue
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
