the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
