tell your sister to shave her snatch
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
