I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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