I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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