Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You took a bar mat shot.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
