The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
